One Year Ago, Today.

One year ago...

One year ago this day, my dad was taken from my family by lung cancer after a 16 or so month battle. I would be lying if I said it's gotten easier. There isn't a single day that I don't think of him. Even as I think of him now, I am overcome with emotion. I miss his wise advice. I miss his comforting voice. I miss his seeming knowledge of every single thing under the sky.

But that's gone now and it's not something I'll ever be able to get back in this lifetime.

365 days.

365 days ago, the world lost an amazing father, a caring son, a passionate manager, a loving husband, an ingenious handy man, a man of God. Age 54. Over double my current age, but if I could even achieve half of what he did, I'd be an accomplished man. My dad was nothing short of remarkable. His ambition. His drive. His love. Even the depths of the critical care unit could not contain his love and care for my church. Barely enough strength to stay awake, but more than enough when talking about a potential pastoral candidate. The church was where his heart was.

I will never in this lifetime know someone more fitting to be imitated.

I am grateful to my heavenly Father for my father.

I am grateful to my heavenly Father FOR my father. While my heart is still pained from the loss of my dad, I still understand my place in this world as did he. This flesh and bones is not our home. Certainly not for those who know The Truth. This planet earth is nothing more than temporary. A plane in a holding pattern. A wave crashing into the beach. And I thank God for every fleeting moment, every passing memory I have on this place because His presence is what makes this experience so precious. I have no regrets in my life when it comes to my dad. Could I have spent more time with him? Certainly. But this is the human experience I have been blessed with. I thank God for the love, the compassion, the pain, the angst, the anger, the suffering, the hope, the light, the worry, the fear, the affection, the Everything that has been given to me to experience.

Because He has made it my own. He has given me this human experience. And it is my blessing no matter how much is taken away from me here.

Ecclesiastes 3:14 and Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)

Ecclesiastes 3:14
I know that whatever God does,
      It shall be forever.
      Nothing can be added to it,
      And nothing taken from it.
      God does it, that men should fear before Him.

Proverbs 16:9
A man’s heart plans his way,
      But the LORD directs his steps.

I remember the night my dad was hospitalized for the last time. About 20 different people from church came over to our house that night to comfort us. One of the aunties asked me, "How do you feel right now?" I responded, "I trust in God's timing. God says there is a time for everything to happen." My response now is just as it was then. God is the one who controls what happens in our lives and this is something that I both embrace and accept wholly.

The feeling of missing my dad is almost unbearable when I think deeply about it. The strength of these emotions are more than anything I've felt before. After he passed away, I remember how my body and my soul just felt like absolutely nothing. Numb to the absolute core. But when I think deeper about what "death" means for us as Christians, it all of a sudden becomes okay. It's okay that he's not here anymore. Because what is death for Christians? Renewed life.

God plans our steps and guides us to where we need to go. There is nothing more comforting.

Make a joyful noise to the Lord. I will not be silent.

Thanks for reading. It's taken me a few days to compile my thoughts just because of how much it means to me. I pray that what I've shared can be a witness to God's love and goodness. I want to thank everyone who's been so supportive of both me and my family over the last year. Many of you have been an absolute blessing to me. Thank you.

 - Elijah